The State of the Black Gay Union Pt. 2

Picking up where we left off!!!

Group 3– “Captain Save-a-Stud”

Now don’t think we were going to get off the hook, my lesbian sisters (and brothers)!  Brothers…that’s exactly where my mind takes me when I see some of these “studs” out here in the streets these days.  Or, should I use the word brutha…that’s more like it.  I kid you not.  I saw a “stud” yesterday with some Air Force One’s on, jeans saggin’ all the way down to her damn knees, WITH some boxer shorts on!  It get’s better!  She had on a white tank top, a gold chain around her kneck, and a mouth full of gold teeth.  Now mind you, she was COVERED in tattoos.  And top top it all off, her fade was tighter than mine!  You know I was upset about that!

But the end result…this “girl” looked and played the PART of a hoodlum.  A common “dope boy” image.  And speaking of dope, she did happen to WREAK of marijuana.  She is not the only “stud” I see running around playing into that image.  And in playing into that image lies the problem…

The young black “stud” culture is saturated with this sort of hood boy masculinity.  “Studs” with cornrows, tattoos, most of them in the dope game, and some of them into other crime…sometimes violent.  It’s one thing to be a masculine woman.  It’s something TOTALLY different being a thug.  And what’s so sad is that it’s ENCOURAGED!  The harder you are, the harder you look, the more BUTCH you can be, the more like a MAN you can be, the better!!  But that’s a very SICK image of a man.  That’s not the type of man that I am, or any other upstanding men in our society are.  So why would you want to aspire to be street filth???

Dear Ms. “Stud”.  I’m not trying to jump on you either.  I just want to give you some encouragement.  It’s okay if you have more “manly” tendencies than some of your female counterparts.  Nothing is wrong with that.  But a man, as well as a woman is defined by their ACTIONS.  We are defined how we treat one another, how we share with one another, how we build and uplift one another.  You want to be a POSITIVE force, and not a negative one.  And that’s exactly what that “hood” image is…negative.  It plays into so much of what’s WRONG with us as African-Americans (welfare, drugs, poverty, babies, crime, shooting, death, etc.).  It’s 2010, Ms. “Stud”.  We’re about keeping it pushing and doing better.

The lesson here…don’t be about what’s wrong with us as African-Americans.  You want to be about what’s RIGHT…and that’s being the BEST person, neighbor, lover, friend, mother, sister, and wife you can be.  Man and all.

Group 4– The “Adam4Adam” Whore

Yes, gay men are going to cruise for sex.  Not ALL gay men…let’s be clear about that.  But, let’s be real.  There are just some of our brothers out there who are just going to sleep around.  That’s ok.  Do you boo boo.  As long as you being up front and honest with your sexual partners and practicing safe sex, all I can do is wish you the best.  And what’s the best way to sleep around?  The internet!  Ding, ding!  And what site out there is good for finding some quick sex?  Adam4Adam!!  Ding, ding!  Now, this is in no way disrespect for the gay brothers who do log on to Adam4Adam and use it as a way to meet other gay brothers.  Nothings wrong with that.

It’s HOW we do it…therein lies the problem.

Think of the typical profile.  Everybody is trying to be UBER MASCULINE.  No fats, no fems!  That’s probably on more than HALF of every profile on there.  Everything “fem” is discouraged.  Everything all MAN is encouraged.  The bigger the dick the better.  And if you ARE a bottom, then you better be a MASCULINE one!  All fem bottoms be damned!!  Not only are we taking it there, but everybody has got to be “DL”.  If you ain’t “discreet” or not out, don’t bother hitting me up!  And don’t talk to somebody, exchange numbers, meet, and they happen to be less masculine or not looking like the pic…you talking about some pissed off people!

When did we start judging people based on masculinity any way?  Is there a meter out there somebody has that can actually MEASURE how masculine someone is??  My goodness…the foolishness we can think of when our brains start to wonder!!  In choosing a mate, there should be other things one considers like is this person honest, trustworthy, loving, affectionate, passionate about life, has similar interests to mine, can this person carry on a decent conversation…those are some of the first things that come into my mind in choosing a mate.  Not how high they rank on some imaginary masculinity meter.

And once again, using the terms “discreet” and “DL” only play into the stereotypes that black gay men are secretive, you can’t trust them, they all got AIDS, all they do is have anonymous sex, that only “fem” black men are gay, etc. etc.  How are you being “discreet” anyway?  By not showing a face pic??  Come on brother!!  You go from being “discreet” to known the minute you let Mr. DLUndacovaBruh in your house!  And think about how many times you have let a Mr. DLundacovaBruh in your house…times Six Degrees of Seperation…you get the picture.

The lesson here, which is the theme between groups 1, 2, 3, and 4, is that masculinity is not the measure by which a man should be measured by.  And furthermore, masculinity is NOT being “DL”, “discreet”, a closet “Church Queen”, a dope boy, a thug, a hood “stud”, or anything else relating to such.  Being a man, or a woman for that matter is about making our world the best that it can be.  All day. Everyday.  It’s making sure that another mouth is fed.  It’s making sure that another child has good drinking water.  It’s pushing technology FORWARD so we don’t have to depend on fossil fuels and collapsing oil platforms.  It’s educating our children so they know how to at least read and write by the time they get out of high school.  It’s putting one more crack dealer in jail.  It’s helping your elderly neighbor carry her groceries in.  It’s cleaning up and taking pride in our communities.  It’s being a better YOU, and a better ME.

And that’s my message to the Black Gay Union.  It’s 2010.  We black gay brothers and sisters should seize this moment.  We SHOULD be out.  We SHOULD be developing better relationships with each other than wallowing in the mud of anonymous sex.  We SHOULD be getting engaged.  We SHOULD be getting married.  We SHOULD be adopting children.  We SHOULD be out helping in the community.  We SHOULD be a voice in the community.  We SHOULD be setting the example for the rest of our African American brothers and sisters to follow.  Why fear??  Why be in secret any longer when we don’t have to be??

It is our time.  It is our moment.  We have been here all along.  Hiding…in the midst of our own damn people.  We SHOULD NOT hide any longer.  It’s time to tell the black church that we are here to stay.  Either get with it, or get out of the way.  A church is only a big as the people that go to it.  And that’s evident by the foreclosure of the church down the street from me.  It’s time to be real with our families and tell them that we are here to stay.  Either get with it, or get out of the way.  It’s time to start taking a stand for ourselves as well as our communities.  We are empowered to lead the way.  To blaze the path, all you have to do is take one step…

So be gay…be proud to be gay…be black…be proud to be black…be YOU!

© 2010 TheBlackGayInfidel

~ by theblackgayinfidel on May 6, 2010.