I Now Pronounce You Husband & Husband!!

Marriage is a scared union between a man and a woman.  It is a union that is holy and joined together by God.  Well, that’s according to most Christians and fundamentalist from other religions as well.  Anybody who says anything otherwise is a sinner!  And the thought of two men getting married or two women?  Oh no!  That’s wicked and vile!  And that’s exactly what Christian protesters, in states where gay marriage is now legal, have been shouting from the top of their lungs.  I wonder what the founder of true protestant marriage, Henry VIII, would say about all of this debauchery?  He would probably be shocked and appalled to see marriage in such a foul state.  And so would his wives Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr.

Many Christian fundamentalists claim that gay marriage is going to “destroy” the family.  It’s going to “destroy” the institution of marriage as well as “family” and moral values.  I think it would be hard for one segment of the population to accomplish ALL of that.  And besides, so called Christians and non-gay anti-gay marriage ReThuglicans have already done one hell of a job making marriage all about “family” and moral values.  Case in point:

Sen. John McCain- divorced.  Rush Limbaugh- divorced several times (who would want to marry his ass anyway?)  Newt Gingrich- divorced (and presented the news to his wife while she was in the hospital trying to fight cancer).  Ronald Reagan- divorced.  Bob Dole- divorced.  Bob Barr- divorced twice and now on marriage #3 (and he had the gall to author and push the “Defense of Marriage” act through.  I wonder which one of his marriages he’s going to “defend”?).  I think I’ve made my point.

But with all of this talk about how holy marriage is, there is little talk about the actual REALITY of marriage.  It’s a threesome between the two people involved and the State.  In most states you have to get a blood test done beforehand, which takes a little romance out of the equation.  You have to get a license, just like getting a license to drive a car.  The State is the one who decides who gets what in the event of a divorce.  They have the sole power to dissolve assets, distribute children, and work out child support payments.  That sounds romantic indeed!

With all of that said, who is exactly being threatened by gay marriage?  How EXACTLY are gays going to destroy “family” values and morals?  A gay person is no more likely to harm or commit a crime than someone who is non-gay.  When was the last time that you heard of someone gay killing someone anyway?  Come to think about it, most crimes are committed by people who are non-gay.  Maybe I should be afraid of non-gay people?  White collar crimes, which has left millions without jobs and savings, have been repeatedly committed by white non-gay men.  But in any event, what do legal unions between gay couples have to do with morality?

If you try to think about one, non-religious, reason to be opposed to gay marriage, you will have a hard time thinking of one.  Trust me.  I’ve tried.  But, if you are a Christian and you believe in the Bible that’s another story.  So, once again, it all boils down to religion.  Church open your Bibles to Leviticus Chapter 20, verse 13.  When you have it, let the church say Amen.  Amen!

“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination:  they shall surely be put to DEATH; their blood shall be upon them.”

Now church, I need you to go to Romans Chapter 1, verses 26 through 32.  When you have it let the church say Amen.  Amen!

“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections:  for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust on toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet…Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of DEATH.”

Well, that’s pretty straightforward.  Gays are to be murdered.  God said so.  End of story.  So, all you Christians need to join together, write to your congressman and your local law enforcement, and tell them that you DEMAND a law on the books right now that calls for the DEATH of all homosexuals.  Your Bible says you should be killing gays, and, if you’re going to be consistent with you faith, you need to be getting on it right now!  Heaven is at stake!  But wait…I don’t hear any Christians jumping on the “kill all gays” bandwagon.  Why is that?  Is it that such illogical, prejudiced actions would be viewed for what they are?  Illegal, unconstitutional, barbaric, and just plain stupid?  To call for the DEATH of homosexuals would make Christians look stupid.  It would make them look stupid, barbaric, and primitive.  But that’s what most of the Bible is…barbaric, primitive, and stupid.  So, unless you’re going to fall in to the trap of “relative values” you have no choice but to get on the horn now and tell your lawmakers to start killing gays now.  You’ll look like morons, but honestly you will be doing what your God commands, thereby serving him.

And honestly, what do gays do that heterosexuals do not?  Do gays kiss?  Yes, and so do heteros.  Do gays have oral sex?  Yes, and so do heteros.  Do gays have anal sex?  Yes, and so do heteros.  Do gays fail to have offspring?  Yes, and so do heteros who have gone through menopause or hysterectomies, or have had vasectomies, or who use birth control, or who choose celibacy.  Do gays split up?  Yes, and so do heteros.  All you have to do is check the divorce rate for that one.  There is no logical reason why a gay couple should NOT have the same benefits as their hetero counterparts.  Marriage is about medical insurance, living wills, so on and so forth.  If two gay people love each other as much, or as little as their hetero counterparts, then what’s the problem?

So what exactly does the Bible say about marriage?  Church, I need you to open your Bibles again to I King Chapter 11, verse 3.  Let’s talk about good ole’ King Solomon.  When you have it, let the church say Amen.  Amen!

“And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines:  and his wives turned away his heart.”

Seven HUNDRED wives!  Three HUNDRED concubines!  Isn’t that just the perfect example of “family” values and morality!?  For all of those Christians who want a constitutional amendment defining marriage between a man and a woman, maybe the amendment should go a little something like this:

“Marriage shall be between one man, and from one to seven hundred women.”  That would be consistent in what the Bible teaches about marriage.  Let’s continue though.  Church, open your Bibles to Deuteronomy Chapter 22, verses 20 and 21.  When you have it, let the church say amen.  Amen!

“But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:  Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die:  because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house:  so shalt thou put evil away from among you.”

Ok…so if a young woman was raped, then sold off into marriage to a man who found no “tokens” of virginity she would be stoned to death.  Ok.  Sounds simple enough.  So maybe the amendment should go a little something like this then:

“Marriage shall be between one man, and from one to seven hundred women; and if the bride is found to not be a virgin, she shall be put to death.”  That would be consistent in what the Bible teaches about marriage.  Let’s hear what Paul has to say about marriage.  Church, turn in your Bibles to I Corinthians Chapter 7, verses 1 and 2.  When you have it, let the church say amen.  Amen!

“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me:  It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Paul stays with this theme in I Corinthians Chapter 7, verses 7 through 9.  Flip to it right quick, church.  When you have it, let the church say amen.  Amen!

“For I would that all men were even as I myself.  But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry:  for it is better to marry than to burn.”

That’s pretty straightforward.  Paul says that only reason to get married is if you get so horny, you can’t take it anymore.  It seems like marriage is all about sexual intercourse to Paul.  So maybe the amendment should go something like this:

“Marriage shall be between one man, and from one to seven hundred women; and if the bride is found to not be a virgin, she shall be put to death; but the only reason to get married at all is if you are on fire with lust and cannot control it and need a way to avoid falling into fornication.”  That would be consistent with what the Bible teaches about marriage.

At the end of the day, if two consenting adults want to be together, what they DO together is none of anybody’s business but theirs.  As long as they are not hurting anyone in the process, then we should be wishing them all the best.  In today’s society, it’s a rare thing anyway to see two people madly in love with each other…gay or straight.  And if two people want to commensurate  that love with the stamp of marriage, more power to them.  True love between two people is something that should be celebrated…not condemned or ridiculed.  Maybe the amendment should be worded like this:

“Marriage shall be between two consenting adults who want to live together and love each other, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.”

That sounds a lot better…I like that.  I think my baby likes that one too!

© 2010 TheBlackGayInfidel

~ by theblackgayinfidel on May 12, 2010.